While many think we have come a long way to eradicate violence and abuse in the family setting, I think we still have a long way to go. Today, statistics indicate that domestic violence is still quite prevalent and actually reported instances are climbing. My issues for the day are the power of language and the importance of "word choice." We must distinguish between being a "survivor" and being a "victim”. There is a problem of semantics in human trafficking as well and the wrong words perpetuate the problem.

One can be victimized (and referred to as a victim in a criminal case), but my dream and goal is for all victims to become survivors. Victimization is not just a word - it is an entire way of thinking. Likewise, being a survivor is also a way of thinking. Both a victim of abuse and a survivor of abuse have gone through the same trauma, but how they choose to 'label' themselves after the event makes all the difference. A victim stays in a victim role and never moves forward to change any behaviors that might influence the feelings they suffer from. While one who has been victimized by crime cannot change what happened, they CAN change how they will react to it. Once a "victim" makes the decision to recover, they become a “survivor” with the power to go on. Abusers do not have to win!

Words and misuses of words can perpetuate crime, abuse, and injustice. Take the case of Baby Grayson Vaughn in Ohio. There is a small but vocal minority of supposed "father's rights" activists who haven been blasting my assertions that a mother has the right to choose adoption as a viable option for her unborn child. The words "father's rights" are being used to mislead the public, and particularly men. Just because one advocates for a child does not mean that one is fighting against a biological father. In this case, I am not advocating against the biological father but rather advocating on behalf of the child. I have removed both biological and adoptive parents out of the equation, and I am only looking at what is best for Grayson Vaughn NOW regardless of all the problems of the court system.

Unfortunately, when it comes to adoption you can't cut a kid in half (split the baby so to speak), as only one person is going to be deemed custodial parent. To me, whatever the case was in the past, it is NOW about saving a child from being ripped from his home and losing the only parents he has ever known for the three short years of his life. You can read more about this case in my Huffington Post article.

We must come together to recognize that protecting ourselves and our kids starts with us. We mourn with those who have lost loved ones because of domestic violence, we celebrate those who have survived it, and we connect with those who work to end violence and injustice for children and parents everywhere!

Honoring survivorship, furthering empowerment, promoting education and pushing advocacy -- this is how we stop domestic violence and end abuse!

Imagine a world without violence. A world where no child is abused, no wife battered, no friend raped. A world without terror, without threats, without wounds from intentional actions. Where the strong provide for the vulnerable, where the vulnerable become empowered, and where every kind of family is safe and secure.

Sexual assault is an ongoing health, social, human rights and criminal justice issue with real consequences for just about everyone. In America, one in six women and one in thirty-three men are raped in their lifetimes. Victims of assault are 3 times more likely to suffer from depression, 6 times more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder, 13 times more likely to abuse alcohol, 26 times more likely to abuse drugs and 4 times more likely to contemplate suicide. Victims of intimate partner violence pay more than 18.5 million visits to mental health care providers a year. Especially vulnerable are teens; 20% of female high school students are identified as having been hurt physically or sexually by a date or intimate partner.

Protecting children and preventing sexual assaults begins with every parent in every home. There are two types of safety education that work well for parents and children and that are easily added to their family’s safety plans: pre-planned discussions and spontaneous opportunities to teach. The first focuses on a particular issue and reinforces it over a period of time, say over a couple weeks to a month. For example, an appropriate safety lesson for a family with young children (ages five and younger) is to help them memorize key telephone numbers, such as Mom’s cell, the home phone, and grandparents’ or caregivers’ numbers. Without making it obvious that it’s a safety lesson, teaching a child a telephone number can be made into a song or a game and can be easily practiced. There is no magic age to begin safety discussions.

It's always easier to talk about "other people" or strangers but the numbers show that 92% of all sexual exploitation of children is perpetuated by someone whom the victim knows. That being said, parents need to give kids the vocabulary by having discussions so they know the words to say should they need to disclose. I have a gazillion tips on what words/conversations that parents can have. But the best ones are the ones that naturally flow in regular day life. For example, while getting a toddler or youngster dressed in for a swim can be a good opportunity to discuss parts of the body that the bathing suit covers and parts that are not covered and why the parts under a bathing suit are "private."

On this blog I will provide ongoing lessons and tips towards keeping your child safety and promoting a violence free environment for your child and our world. Stay tuned!